Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
