Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
