i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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