Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
