It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
