wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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