remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need moral support for this bender
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
