White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
