That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
