butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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