Im at strip club and am horny
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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