I could make wine with my vomit
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
