I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
