Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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