my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just googled if crying burns calories
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
