i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
