my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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