You made me cry and you don't even care
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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