I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
