Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
