whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
