I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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