It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
