The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
