A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
