i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
