the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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