This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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