I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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