so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
