i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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