where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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