maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
