Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
