it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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