So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
