So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
