Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
