When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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