I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize