I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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