i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have aggressive nipples.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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