I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
