i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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