Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
