i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
