Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
