You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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