I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize