The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
