I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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