by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
