I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
