Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
