I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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