I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
