She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
