i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
