oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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