If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
they're like a gay fantastic four
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
