I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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