When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
