No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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