My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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