I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
