How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
