I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
