it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we're so committed to being not committed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
