ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
