how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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