It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
