Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
