not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
