He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
