just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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