what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
