Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
