I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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