shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
