I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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