don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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